Black Friday Deep Thoughts

Morning, Bitches!

Are you tired? Have you been out shopping since 3am? Are you on your third peppermint mocha and questioning all your life choices as you drive to yet another store in search of deals?


I’m not a Black Friday shopper. I’ve not been a Black Friday shopper since I worked retail back in college and realized just how much people suck balls on Black Friday. It’s like all of their empathy and compassion goes out the window in search of a $15 toaster oven. It’s fucking ridiculous.

I truly think that Black Friday represents the worst of American consumerism and the retail industrial machine.

Now, some people claim they like the “hunt” of Black Friday shopping. Of finding that one great deal in a sea of mediocre deals and feeling triumphant.

That’s… dumb.

Look, I fully get this is a polarizing opinion. But if you shop on Black Friday, or heaven forbid if you shop on Thanksgiving evening, you can go fuck right off.

Thanksgiving is a holiday steeped in American appropriation already, but I don’t even want to get into the political ramifications of that right now. I’m not going to argue with you about whether or not there was pumpkin pie at the first Thanksgiving or whether the indigenous peoples that so generously shared their harvest with the unprepared settlers died of Smallpox a month later. I’m not going to do it.

But what I am going to do is point out to you that Thanksgiving is one of the few actual holidays that some people get off of work and that asking stores to be open (and by shopping at them at 3 am or 2 am on Black Friday or at 9pm on the Thursday of Thanksgiving you are asking them to be open) you are selfishly putting your pursuit of consumerism over someone else’s pursuit of an actual holiday spent with friends and family.

Look, I get it. I’ve said multiple times that I am basic AF and that I like stupid consumer things as much as the next person – mascara, stupid expensive leggings, infinity scarves. I buy all that shit.

But I’m NOT going to buy it on Black Friday.

And you shouldn’t either.


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