My Adventures In Gardening – Part 1

Fucking Pinterest.

I don’t know how many stories I have that start with the sentence “I was looking on Pinterest and…”

It’s never a good sign when I start a story that way.

Except for maybe this one time? Because, you guys, I built a garden. By myself. WITH LUMBER AND SHIT.

Yeah, I’m pretty fucking incredible. Practically a master carpenter now. Didn’t you know?

It started when my BFF showed me her new raised garden beds. I immediately got garden envy.

I’ve been wanting to do a big veggie garden since we moved into our house 5 years ago, but I always had another, more pressing house project to do.  


So, anyway, garden envy. I started browsing Pinterest to see if I could pin a few ideas for next year. Get an idea of what I wanted to do if it was feasible and how much money I should sock away to do it.

And I found a pin that seemed too good to be true. It promised I could do this myself and that I could build a raised garden bed with a minimum of effort, minimum cost, and without having to cut any wood myself.

I was intrigued…

Which is how I ended up at Lowe’s buying 3 eight foot long 2×10’s and a package of deck screws. The friendly lumber folks at Lowe’s gladly cut one of my 2×10’s in half and that was it… that was to be the base of my raised garden bed.

I did find out that the inside of my car is exactly 8 feet long, though. My poor mother had to hold on to the giant planks to make sure they didn’t slide right through my windshield on the ride home. But we managed it.

Then I dumped it all in the yard and took a nap. That was fucking exhausting you guys.

I may not be cut out for manual labor.

The next morning I pulled out a power drill and my new deck screws and got to work. I will admit… it is not the most elegant bit of construction. Basically you just drill the two shorter four foot pieces to the eight food pieces in a roughly box like shape.

Easy peasy.

My neighbors may have heard me cry while swearing a blue streak at a fucking 3/8ths drill bit. BUT I DID IT!

At this point, I felt like this was the hard part. So I patted myself on the back, showed pictures to all my loved ones and ordered some dirt.

Then… my husband inspected my hard work. “I think you need to take out some of these screws and resink them,” he began helpfully.

“NO. They’re fine.”

“Really? I didn’t know screws could bend like that…”

*Hiding mallet behind my back* “They’re specialty screws.”

Yeah, yeah, fuck. Some of the screws wouldn’t go in all the way so I got the bright idea to hammer them in. That… didn’t work so hot. I really just bent them. So, I unhammered them and pulled them out and tried to resink them.

That went a little bit better the second time around. It’s still not perfect.

Look you guys, I’ve never built anything in my life. While this is not going to win any awards for craftsmanship, it’s pretty decently solid. When I fill it with dirt it should be fine.

I hope?

Tune in next time for my adventures in dirt buying.

Cost so far:

Item Cost
3 2×10 eight foot planks $31.17
1 package of 4 inch deck screws $7.99
Total $39.16


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2 Responses

  1. Andrea says:

    Good for you! Now I have garden envy!

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